Online so many people exaggerate who they really are but I don't need anyone to show up with a representative on their behalf. I need you to show up as the real you. It is easier to handle things in your friendship/relationship/partnership if you are presented with the facts ahead of time or in the beginning so that it won't be a surprise later.

Example: If you say it's complicated it probably isn't. Either you are separated, going thru a divorce, taking a hiatus, or whatever but it's truly not that complicated. Tell someone up front so that they can make a conscious choice to hang with you or not. To say you are single and then that other person pops up can cause serious hurt on both ends. #justsaying

A lot of times people are blinded by what they want to see in the other person rather than what they need to see. So many individuals get into online dating or communicating because they believe it to easy. They can be the person that others want them to be. Asking the right questions, paying close attention to the things they say to you, even engaging them in random trivia can give people the information they need to become "that someone" you are looking for in a relationship.

While we are talking about the social media, if you are in a relationship with an individual I would advise you not to be friends with your significant other unless you can handle what comes across their page. You get to a point that you begin to single in on one or more people that cross their page. Nothing could be going on but your suspicions get the best of you. Online accounts need to seriously be discussed amongst couples.

Nowadays these accounts are being used in courts to help assist in divorces, custody cases, and even terminations. People have got to make conscious decisions on what to say not only in the face of people but also online. They can even pull deleted emails and texts. Word to the wise: Stop leaving a paper trail for information you don't want to come back and bite you later.

Loving Yourself Enough

So many times I run into single women who are always professing to love themselves but they do not know how to show it. Your actions will always speak volumes over everything else. When I stopped speaking it and began showing it, it reflected. From how you treat others, to your appearance, to even knowing the real you inside and out.

When you treat others with respect or how you want to be treated you will get that in return. This shows you hold yourself in high esteem. You don't have to go around belittling others for them to think of you as a grand person. Beauty and love is not only shown on the outside but what's on the inside will come out and reveal itself on the outside.

Appearance is a major way I show that I love me. I don't look good for anyone else but me. I like to "floss" in the mirror and admire all my assets. I not only make sure my hair meets my expectations, but I make sure that my outfit is well put together. You will not catch me at the grocery store, gas station, my kids school, or even Wal-Mart with pajamas on, hair tied up, or looking a hot mess. I am always presentable because you never know who is around or what situation may occur.

A little touch of make-up helps to show you are putting forth effort as well. You don't have to look like a clown or like you are about to hit up the club. Most men love a woman with a natural look. This also includes your natural hair. There are plenty of men who may tolerate a woman having weave but most would rather look at the beautiful natural you. That effortless glowing beauty of a woman like when she first wakes in the morning is truly amazing. There is nothing wrong with changing your look every now and then because anyone who knows me knows I change my look often but we as women should set certain limitations on some of these changes.

Something else to do if you love yourself is date yourself. Friends have told me that they felt foolish going out to eat or to the movies by themselves and my question to them or anyone else is always WHY?! This gives you the time you need to figure out what you really like, how to care for yourself if others have been caring for you,and what exactly you are willing to tolerate in a mate. Dating yourself helps you to not settle or have a desire to settle for less than your worth. During this time you won't even be concerned with a relationship and then when you look up love might just be starring you in the face.

When you love yourself it reflects to others by the way you walk, you talk, you carry yourself, and how you treat others. Don't allow others to tell you who you are. Look in the mirror and claim it for yourself. When you are truly in love with yourself you don't have to go around chanting it because others will look at you and say "She/He loves himself and got it going on". This will attract that special person to see you. This will attract that special person to the special person in you. This will allow everyone to fall in love with you. All you have to do is love yourself enough.

I Can't Believe Some People

The humanity of some people just amazes me but most are not totally at fault. It is the fault of the society that we live in. So many are out robbing, killing, and assaulting others that most individuals choose not to offer assistance to those in need.

I was out this week celebrating my daughter's birthday. While we were headed to lunch my tire blew and I ended up stranded on the side of the road with no spare tire. My three children were hungry, tired from being at the park all morning, and as most children low on understanding of the whole situation. Questions kept coming left and right about why we weren't moving, when we were going to get help, and whines of when they were going to eat. Only one man stopped within that hour that we were on the side of the road to offer assistance. He help to get my car out of the middle of the street and waited until I was able to contact someone who was available to come to my aide. Despite my frustration I was still thankful through it all because no harm came to my family.

In another incident that took place this week I was out with friends and we saw a homeless man standing on the corner with his sign. Plenty of cars zoomed by not looking twice at the man or his sign. As we sat at the red light one of my friends pulled a sandwich out of his bag and gave it to the man. He didn't have money to give him but that kind gesture went a long way with that man.

That one moment of kindness and humanity that the individual showed made a complete difference in the remainder of my day. The kind gesture that my friend made seemed to give the homeless man some hope. You never know how you can affect others with the smallest amount of kindness, positivity, or helping hand. Humanity towards your fellow man goes a long way and will come back to you. Remember what ever you put out in the atmosphere always makes its way back to you.

Just stop talking

I am really not one to talk about someone badly. If I have an opinion about something then I usually tell the individual. When it comes to friends their feelings often are hurt by your words or opinions but a truly real friend will respect you for talking to them directly rather than spreading your opinion about their business around. I know there are a lot of times I don't want to hear what my friends have to say because I feel that I know most things better than anyone else. Besides who knows my situation and the way I think better than me. The truth is you never know what others have gone through, are going through, or have witnessed first hand that they don't want to witness you going through. It is all out of love.

Now as far as relationships go, KEEP YO BIZNESS TO YOSELF!!! If you are like me you have some good friends who don't have the same taste as you the opposite sex or they know how to honor the "code". The "code" is basically you don't covet thy friends woman/man or knowingly try to hook up with a former lover. There are a lot of times people are in your life and your circle because they do admire what you have and want to know how you got it or they can take it away from you. It almost becomes a test of them trying to mimic your life. Know who to share your intimate details with. My advice is if you are in a relationship the two of you should work on being each others best friend. That way you have someone you can trust holding your secrets plus if there is an issue between the two of you you can immediately put it out in the open to get it resolved.

Okay lastly stop talking about the people that "did you wrong". Whether it is a former friend, ex bff, family member, or someone you were in a relationship with it is never healthy to talk negatively about it. Yes you may be hurt by what happened, how it happened, and the result but don't dwell on it. Talk to a true confidant to air it out or vent about the situation. After you have spoken about it leave it. It's like what they tell you at church about leaving it all at the alter. Well leave it all at the dinner table, the mall, the salon, the pastor's study, or wherever you laid it all out. If you continue to talk about you will begin to have feelings of resentment or hate build up. The feelings are never healthy and they eat away at you from the inside. They fester and they hinder you from trusting people because you are certain they will do the same as those of your past. As soon as you open up to talk about the hurt immediately work on the forgiveness. You won't forget the wrong that has been done or the hurt that was done or a relationship that can not be repaired but it was allow you to experience something new that could be so meaningful in your life.

Many Thoughts

I am a woman with many different views, thoughts, and beliefs. I look at how society puts these standards on all people and I believe that should not happen. This woman on the news was talking about athletes and said that they need to realize that people look up to them. They should hold themselves in a high regard. That may be true but my opinion on that is most of them do their job because they love what they do. Actors, musicians, singers, athletes love what they do. The money, spotlight, and fame are all added perks.

There are individuals that are not in the spotlight who have people looking up at them and holding them to high standards but they didn't ask for it either. We all must make a conscious decision to do what we know is right. I don't understand how so many people like to point fingers but they are doing nothing to make a difference or step in where they feel the celebrities are falling short.

I really wish we as people didn't put so much of those individuals in the spotlight. Let them enjoy their careers as much as you may enjoy yours. They are still only human and entitled to their mistakes. Granted when they make theirs it is seen under the microscope but it is theirs to make. This is just my opinion. I'm just saying!!!

Been Gone

I have been gone for a long minute but life goes on. Relationships have come and gone but one fact still remains, I will not, shall not give up on love. Love is out there for everyone and it comes when you are not looking for it.

We spend our time saying "I love me", "I'm taking time to get to know me", "I don't need anyone in my life for me to be happy" but all the while we are hoping that that person is right around the corner. The actuality of it is that we don't find that person until we stop looking, stop searching, stop longing. We should pay attention to the words we speak. Take time to date ourselves, love ourselves, and get to know ourselves intimately. If you do this you won't be willing to settle for just anyone or anything.

I had been content with how my life was going. I had my family, my friends, and dates here and there. Most of these men of course were nowhere near relationship material. When I stopped looking or expecting others to look my way or even break a body part to gain my attention I found a "happy place". That place was broken by a mistaken view on my part. I jumped the gun as so many do. I got my heart broken and my feelings hurt. When I looked up someone who I didn't see coming picked up those pieces.

That person can be a friend who never forced themselves on you, it could be that church member that always made sure you got home safely, or even that high school buddy who after years of friendship you didn't think to take it to that level. No one should ever give up on love. Giving up on love is like giving up on life itself.