Energy

It never cease to amazing me how rude some people can be. I have nothing against people being opinionated because anyone who knows me knows that I am very opinionated myself but some things should just be left unsaid. Positivity goes farther than anything.

I was always taught that it is best practice that if you don't have anything nice to say then do say anything at all. Sometimes you have to either keep it to yourself or use tact. I had someone say some pretty negative things about something I worked hard on and put my heart into. It hurt at first and then the hurt turned to anger but I soon realized that was someone who needed to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. Someone who needs to feel like they know more than others.

After calming down and reflecting it soon came to me that I was wasting too much energy on that negativity. I had to turn it into a positive and that is making me work harder on my writings. Everyone is not going to have the same taste, the same thoughts, the same perspective. I have since let that go and moved on to bigger things that I can control.

Our energy is ours to decide how we want to use it. I hope that more people will choose to use it positively. When you use it in the manner it tends to come back to you ten fold.

The Lady's Response

Male Point of View on Commitment
...and what takes them so long to commit?

It took me a minute to think about this and I had to read over to come to my own conclusion. Men don't rush into a commitment because they afraid. They are afraid of being hurt, afraid of not meeting expectations, afraid of not being a good provider.

I believe that if a man truly believes that a woman has his back, supports him, encourages him, and is willing to stand by him in his less than perfect state then he should be willing to commit. Whatever is meant to be accomplished can be accomplished together. That is not to say that she is there to put him through school, help him build his company brick by brick, or even cater to him like a child.

All women don't look at commitment as a ring or marriage. It is that feeling that you can depend on someone, confide in someone, trust and believe in someone with all your heart. All that needs to be accomplished can be worked on through the course of the relationship. Commitment is not the end of the world it is the beginning of a new world.

Male Point of View on Commitment

....and what takes them so long to commit?

The Gentleman's View:
by G Guillory

The definition of Commitment is as follows : 1. the act of committing. 2. the state of being committed. 3. the act of committing, pledging,or engaging oneself. 4. a pledge or promise

Some Men are afraid of Commitment. Others see it as a chance to matriculate, and become real Men. The real question is WHY? Some view it as the end of the road, a sort of being put out to pasture. Like saying "you can't hang or your too old for the game". Some just choose not or have no desire to be with one mate.

As men (some of us) we're told get a good career, find a good woman and have a family. And that sounds like a good idea at first. But then they come across friends or family members that show them how to be a player, they meet the wrong woman or get cheated on. Then they're left with a bad taste in their mouth and that's when the fear, hurt or anger sets in. Men get turned off from the thought of commitment. Others get lucky and find the right one they want to commit but tend to drag their feet. In some cases this is a fear of committing period . In others it's a fear of not being prepared or being as stable as they want to be, to be able to provide like they believe or as they have been taught they should.

This last part may sound odd but it happens in more cases than most would think. In this last case, these men want to be able to give all that their family and significant other wants and needs. In these cases not all women stick around for the "now I've got it together" man because they believe that all this could have been accomplished while in the commitment.

In my opinion, it's a story for the ages. All of the teachings that boys are taught early on come through growth and maturity. These teachings add to his willingness to commit or lack thereof...

NEW THINGS!!!

Ok so I have been gone for a little bit but I am finding it hard to maintain all of the things that interest me and the things that I have to do to live. Hope that makes sense but if it didn't sorry..lol

Luckily, I am calling on the assistance of some people that I hold very dear to my heart to be contributors to my blog and they are more than willing to help a sistah out. We are getting ready to begin a new little segment "He Say, She Say" to get the male and female point of view on a few topics. So we will not just be getting the View of the Lady but that of the Gentleman. Asking that everyone stay tuned and invite a friend. Please invite a friend to become a follower and provide feedback on the topics.

Love you all much!!!

Have you ever looked into the benefits of tea?

Next to water it is the second most consumed beverage. The neat fact about tea is that it is not only good to drink but you can use it in your hair, to soak your nails, and even your body. There are different kinds: green, black, red, white, oolong, and herbal.

Studies have shown that as little as 2 cups daily can prevent some cancers. It can also lower cholesterol levels as well as prevent blood clotting. The really question is which one will benefit you the best?

Green Tea:

• Has epigallocatechin-3-gallate (EGCG) which can possibly prevent cancer
  
• Assists in preventing heart disease
• Assists in weight loss
• Lowers cholesterol
• Lowers blood pressure
• May also reduce risks of neurological disorders such as Alzheimer's or Parkinson's
  

Black Tea:

• Assists in weight loss
• Preventing tooth decay
• Protects lungs from damage caused by exposure to cigarette smoke
• Reduce risk of stroke

Red Tea:

• Assists in strengthening teeth and bones
• Has zinc and alpha-hydroxy which are great for skin health and can help with eczema, acne, and rashes
• Has calming properties that can help with nervousness, tension, and asthma
• Also falls under the category of herbal teas (rooibos)
  

White Tea:

• Study has showed that it may have the most potent anticancer properties
• Lower in caffeine than both green and black tea
• Assists in boosting the immune system
• Assists in fighting off bacterial infections
• Helps with aging

Oolong Tea:

• Reduces heart disease
• Provide vital antioxidants
• Promote superior bone structure
• Good dental health
• Assist with inflammatory disorders

Herbal Teas:

• Have lower levels of antioxidants because they are usually combined with fruits, seed, herbs and roots in water

Also be mindful that you can use these same teas to rinse your hair with instead of rinsing and washing it with plain water. You can also combine them with your conditioners for extra conditioning power. It never hurts to soak your nails or body in a tea mixture. Just do your adequate research before beginning the process. There are plenty websites such as www.webmd.com and www.ehow.com that have more information.

Waiting

Let me first begin by saying that there is nothing wrong with waiting. Waiting shows that you have patience, it shows that you are not rushing into bad situations, it shows that you are allowing for things to take their course. Being the spiritual individual that I am when I wait allow the Man upstairs to take care of me. I believe that waiting can also mean that you are not taking things into your own hands.

There have been times when I was not looking for anyone special in my life or new friends to improve my "status" among others. By waiting you are seeing others come in and out of your life. Those who stay are meant to be there for a time or a season. Some seasons can last a lifetime. The same can be said about love or a job or even your dreams. If you just wait things will work themselves out the way there are supposed to go to best benefit you.

Now this does not mean that you don't put forth work. You must network with others so that they know what you are trying to accomplish. You go out on dates to get to know someone to see if you have things in common. You apply for jobs. You do what is necessary to put yourself in a position so that when your blessing comes you have put in the work to blossom.

I am putting forth work in my dreams. I am making things happen and waiting on everything that is for me to come to pass.

Being Seen

My saying from now on is "Dress to be seen". This doesn't mean that you have to dress trashy, wear the loudest clothes, or the tightest clothes. Keep it positive and fashion forward. This simply means dress with style and exude confidence as you pass through the crowds.

I was walking around my kids school one day and everyone was throwing out remarks about how I was looking good. I already was "high-stepping" that day but it added something to my confidence. From that point forward I have made it my mission to dress to be seen. Women young and old see you and it helps them to realize that they can achieve the same thing. I believe we truly need to bring back the style of our grandmothers and their mothers. These women did not leave their homes without their hair being combed, hats on their heads, presentable clothes on their bodies, pantyhose on their legs, and so on. Now it just seems that women don't take pride in their appearance. If you do then others want to down grade it and make it seem as if you are bougie or you think you are all that. Well you know what I AM ALL THAT!!!

Never mind what others say or how they may react. Don't dress to impress. Dress for you. Once you dress for you and in the clothes, shoes, accessories that you love it will impress others. Whether you prefer flamboyant hair, vibrant colors, jewelry that make statements make it all work for you. DRESS TO BE SEEN.

I LOVE CURLY HAIR!!

Going natural has been the best thing ever. I can get up and go. Splash with a little water, shake and I'm done. I have found this journey to be very rewarding. The picture to the left is my goal in the next couple of years. Right now I am using kinky curly on my hair and I am loving it. I will have pictures coming soon of how it is working on my hair.

Online so many people exaggerate who they really are but I don't need anyone to show up with a representative on their behalf. I need you to show up as the real you. It is easier to handle things in your friendship/relationship/partnership if you are presented with the facts ahead of time or in the beginning so that it won't be a surprise later.

Example: If you say it's complicated it probably isn't. Either you are separated, going thru a divorce, taking a hiatus, or whatever but it's truly not that complicated. Tell someone up front so that they can make a conscious choice to hang with you or not. To say you are single and then that other person pops up can cause serious hurt on both ends. #justsaying

A lot of times people are blinded by what they want to see in the other person rather than what they need to see. So many individuals get into online dating or communicating because they believe it to easy. They can be the person that others want them to be. Asking the right questions, paying close attention to the things they say to you, even engaging them in random trivia can give people the information they need to become "that someone" you are looking for in a relationship.

While we are talking about the social media, if you are in a relationship with an individual I would advise you not to be friends with your significant other unless you can handle what comes across their page. You get to a point that you begin to single in on one or more people that cross their page. Nothing could be going on but your suspicions get the best of you. Online accounts need to seriously be discussed amongst couples.

Nowadays these accounts are being used in courts to help assist in divorces, custody cases, and even terminations. People have got to make conscious decisions on what to say not only in the face of people but also online. They can even pull deleted emails and texts. Word to the wise: Stop leaving a paper trail for information you don't want to come back and bite you later.

Loving Yourself Enough

So many times I run into single women who are always professing to love themselves but they do not know how to show it. Your actions will always speak volumes over everything else. When I stopped speaking it and began showing it, it reflected. From how you treat others, to your appearance, to even knowing the real you inside and out.

When you treat others with respect or how you want to be treated you will get that in return. This shows you hold yourself in high esteem. You don't have to go around belittling others for them to think of you as a grand person. Beauty and love is not only shown on the outside but what's on the inside will come out and reveal itself on the outside.

Appearance is a major way I show that I love me. I don't look good for anyone else but me. I like to "floss" in the mirror and admire all my assets. I not only make sure my hair meets my expectations, but I make sure that my outfit is well put together. You will not catch me at the grocery store, gas station, my kids school, or even Wal-Mart with pajamas on, hair tied up, or looking a hot mess. I am always presentable because you never know who is around or what situation may occur.

A little touch of make-up helps to show you are putting forth effort as well. You don't have to look like a clown or like you are about to hit up the club. Most men love a woman with a natural look. This also includes your natural hair. There are plenty of men who may tolerate a woman having weave but most would rather look at the beautiful natural you. That effortless glowing beauty of a woman like when she first wakes in the morning is truly amazing. There is nothing wrong with changing your look every now and then because anyone who knows me knows I change my look often but we as women should set certain limitations on some of these changes.

Something else to do if you love yourself is date yourself. Friends have told me that they felt foolish going out to eat or to the movies by themselves and my question to them or anyone else is always WHY?! This gives you the time you need to figure out what you really like, how to care for yourself if others have been caring for you,and what exactly you are willing to tolerate in a mate. Dating yourself helps you to not settle or have a desire to settle for less than your worth. During this time you won't even be concerned with a relationship and then when you look up love might just be starring you in the face.

When you love yourself it reflects to others by the way you walk, you talk, you carry yourself, and how you treat others. Don't allow others to tell you who you are. Look in the mirror and claim it for yourself. When you are truly in love with yourself you don't have to go around chanting it because others will look at you and say "She/He loves himself and got it going on". This will attract that special person to see you. This will attract that special person to the special person in you. This will allow everyone to fall in love with you. All you have to do is love yourself enough.

I Can't Believe Some People

The humanity of some people just amazes me but most are not totally at fault. It is the fault of the society that we live in. So many are out robbing, killing, and assaulting others that most individuals choose not to offer assistance to those in need.

I was out this week celebrating my daughter's birthday. While we were headed to lunch my tire blew and I ended up stranded on the side of the road with no spare tire. My three children were hungry, tired from being at the park all morning, and as most children low on understanding of the whole situation. Questions kept coming left and right about why we weren't moving, when we were going to get help, and whines of when they were going to eat. Only one man stopped within that hour that we were on the side of the road to offer assistance. He help to get my car out of the middle of the street and waited until I was able to contact someone who was available to come to my aide. Despite my frustration I was still thankful through it all because no harm came to my family.

In another incident that took place this week I was out with friends and we saw a homeless man standing on the corner with his sign. Plenty of cars zoomed by not looking twice at the man or his sign. As we sat at the red light one of my friends pulled a sandwich out of his bag and gave it to the man. He didn't have money to give him but that kind gesture went a long way with that man.

That one moment of kindness and humanity that the individual showed made a complete difference in the remainder of my day. The kind gesture that my friend made seemed to give the homeless man some hope. You never know how you can affect others with the smallest amount of kindness, positivity, or helping hand. Humanity towards your fellow man goes a long way and will come back to you. Remember what ever you put out in the atmosphere always makes its way back to you.

Just stop talking

I am really not one to talk about someone badly. If I have an opinion about something then I usually tell the individual. When it comes to friends their feelings often are hurt by your words or opinions but a truly real friend will respect you for talking to them directly rather than spreading your opinion about their business around. I know there are a lot of times I don't want to hear what my friends have to say because I feel that I know most things better than anyone else. Besides who knows my situation and the way I think better than me. The truth is you never know what others have gone through, are going through, or have witnessed first hand that they don't want to witness you going through. It is all out of love.

Now as far as relationships go, KEEP YO BIZNESS TO YOSELF!!! If you are like me you have some good friends who don't have the same taste as you the opposite sex or they know how to honor the "code". The "code" is basically you don't covet thy friends woman/man or knowingly try to hook up with a former lover. There are a lot of times people are in your life and your circle because they do admire what you have and want to know how you got it or they can take it away from you. It almost becomes a test of them trying to mimic your life. Know who to share your intimate details with. My advice is if you are in a relationship the two of you should work on being each others best friend. That way you have someone you can trust holding your secrets plus if there is an issue between the two of you you can immediately put it out in the open to get it resolved.

Okay lastly stop talking about the people that "did you wrong". Whether it is a former friend, ex bff, family member, or someone you were in a relationship with it is never healthy to talk negatively about it. Yes you may be hurt by what happened, how it happened, and the result but don't dwell on it. Talk to a true confidant to air it out or vent about the situation. After you have spoken about it leave it. It's like what they tell you at church about leaving it all at the alter. Well leave it all at the dinner table, the mall, the salon, the pastor's study, or wherever you laid it all out. If you continue to talk about you will begin to have feelings of resentment or hate build up. The feelings are never healthy and they eat away at you from the inside. They fester and they hinder you from trusting people because you are certain they will do the same as those of your past. As soon as you open up to talk about the hurt immediately work on the forgiveness. You won't forget the wrong that has been done or the hurt that was done or a relationship that can not be repaired but it was allow you to experience something new that could be so meaningful in your life.

Many Thoughts

I am a woman with many different views, thoughts, and beliefs. I look at how society puts these standards on all people and I believe that should not happen. This woman on the news was talking about athletes and said that they need to realize that people look up to them. They should hold themselves in a high regard. That may be true but my opinion on that is most of them do their job because they love what they do. Actors, musicians, singers, athletes love what they do. The money, spotlight, and fame are all added perks.

There are individuals that are not in the spotlight who have people looking up at them and holding them to high standards but they didn't ask for it either. We all must make a conscious decision to do what we know is right. I don't understand how so many people like to point fingers but they are doing nothing to make a difference or step in where they feel the celebrities are falling short.

I really wish we as people didn't put so much of those individuals in the spotlight. Let them enjoy their careers as much as you may enjoy yours. They are still only human and entitled to their mistakes. Granted when they make theirs it is seen under the microscope but it is theirs to make. This is just my opinion. I'm just saying!!!

Been Gone

I have been gone for a long minute but life goes on. Relationships have come and gone but one fact still remains, I will not, shall not give up on love. Love is out there for everyone and it comes when you are not looking for it.

We spend our time saying "I love me", "I'm taking time to get to know me", "I don't need anyone in my life for me to be happy" but all the while we are hoping that that person is right around the corner. The actuality of it is that we don't find that person until we stop looking, stop searching, stop longing. We should pay attention to the words we speak. Take time to date ourselves, love ourselves, and get to know ourselves intimately. If you do this you won't be willing to settle for just anyone or anything.

I had been content with how my life was going. I had my family, my friends, and dates here and there. Most of these men of course were nowhere near relationship material. When I stopped looking or expecting others to look my way or even break a body part to gain my attention I found a "happy place". That place was broken by a mistaken view on my part. I jumped the gun as so many do. I got my heart broken and my feelings hurt. When I looked up someone who I didn't see coming picked up those pieces.

That person can be a friend who never forced themselves on you, it could be that church member that always made sure you got home safely, or even that high school buddy who after years of friendship you didn't think to take it to that level. No one should ever give up on love. Giving up on love is like giving up on life itself.